Barbara Mellix " From Outside in"

Language is a tool we use to communicate with others. All around the world we could find thousand of languages. Even though there are so many languages people still communicate with each other really easy. This happens because there are people that learn more than one language or they are raised in an environment where more than one language is spoken. I personally speak four languages, Albanian, English, Italian and French. When I was a kid I was fascinated by the idea to learn a language and to understand better the people that spoke it. I wanted to know more about their culture and history. At home we speak Albanian and outside we speak English. Sometimes it is really hard to find the right word or to switch back to the language that I need to use.
There are even times when I forget that I am speaking in English and I start speaking in Albanian without realizing it. My friends ask me- “What was that? “and I respond that I did a mistake I meant to say this thing. To me sometimes is hard just to fix in my mind that I should use this language for this environment.
There are cases when I do mistakes but there are cases that are in my advantage. Sometimes I want to say something that I do not want other to understand so it is good to speak a language that others can not understand.
I wanted to learn another language but instead Barbara Mellix was struggling about the idea to use the Standard English. At her home her parents spoke both Black English and Standard English. Her mother taught her both of the ways, she taught her to use the standard English with people that she did not know and the Black English at home with people that she knew. She says that she did not want to use the Standard English, to her it felt like a strange language. She called the language of others, she did use it but she never owns it. She said that a certain age she could switch from one form to the other but for her was hard to accept the idea of using this language. She was proud of herself as the others were. When she went to college she had a hard time to express her ideas with the Standard English. She used simple expression but after she got more used to the language and explored it more she found a new way to express herself. She felt good with her achievement she could master the language and she no longer called it the language of others. Now the language was part of herself, part of Barbara Mellix that accepted herself and expressed her ideas in different ways. Every time she wrote she brought to life a new self. She explored more with her writing and every time she wrote she could get out of it a new quality of herself or a new side of herself that she might not have known.
Barbara Mellix was different then John Price. She had a hard time using the Standard English and she felt like an outsider at school. John Price was familiar with the place and he did not have problems at all with the language. He had a way in using the right words when he wrote letters to his parents and he was so good at it (that he solved his problems every time.) He wrote different to his mother with whom he had a more closeness and the letters to his father were more formal. If Barbara Mellix would write in standard English for her parent would feel more formal, if it is written in black English it would be more familiar and close to them. Barbara Mellix found herself by writing and accepting the idea of using both of the languages, but have we found ourselves?
Are we familiar of who we are? We can find more about ourselves just by exploring more on the inside of our mind and on our every day routine or in our action or responses to different issues.